This is a non-commercial fanfic based on the universes of The Witcher and Disco Elysium. All rights to the original works, characters, names, and elements of their respective worlds belong to their respective copyright holders. The author of this fanfic does not claim ownership of any of them. Age rating: rated R (18+). The text contains profanity, alcohol, fictional drugs, violence, and other themes intended for an adult audience.
“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
— Oscar Wilde, The Sphinx Without a Secret
NARRATOR – The clock strikes seven. Vernon should be here any minute now, so you return to the fountain and look around. With the bustle of the day gone, the square feels a little wider and a little darker. Smoke drifts lazily above the rooftops.
KEEN EYE [Easy: Success] – Look… There, on the second-floor balcony.
NARRATOR – Your attention is drawn to a young woman — too beautiful, too conspicuous for this gray place. Brightly painted lips, darkly outlined eyes, a colorful dress with a plunging neckline, a gauzy shawl draped over her shoulders — more a striking accessory than any real protection from the cold. The stranger leans on the railing with both elbows and surveys the square lazily, as though this were not a poor quarter but a lavish stage prepared especially for her. Every gesture seems just a little slower and more graceful than necessary. Her languid gaze lingers on passersby slightly longer than etiquette would normally allow.
KEEN EYE – The dress is rather expensive, but worn in a way designed to make you want to take it off immediately. That must surely mean something.
CODEX [Trivial: Failure] – Who is she? A cabaret performer? A wandering poet? Some fashionable woman showing off an elaborate outfit?
MASQUE [Medium: Failure] – Perhaps she is a noble lady, languishing as she waits for her faithful knight?
VICE [Trivial: Success] – No. This is a lady who, shall we say, has a comfortable bed and a separate nightly rate. And you absolutely need to find out how much she charges.
DIALECTIC [Medium: Success] – That information is of no use to us. But note this: the balcony overlooks the vacant lot where the hanged man’s corpse was still dangling until yesterday evening. She may have seen something.
NARRATOR – The woman notices your interested stare, gives you a sultry smile, and, twisting like a snake, leans a little farther over the railing until her charms nearly spill out of her corset. You swallow. The movement is calculated perfectly: just enough for a passerby to understand the invitation, but not enough to get anything for free.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – Well, hello, handsome. How are you?
NARRATOR – Her voice is low and deep. She looks at you invitingly from beneath long lashes.
YOU – Um… Greetings, madam. If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions.
NARRATOR – She giggles coquettishly and adjusts her hair.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – Oh, what a courteous gentleman… I have a taste for men like that. As Guillaume de Valmont wrote in his treatise On the Nature of Desire and the Art of Seduction, conversation is the finest prelude.
NARRATOR – The woman slowly runs a finger along the balcony railing.
CODEX [Impossible: Failure] – Perhaps Monsieur de Valmont really did write something of the sort. Alas, you have never laid hands on his treatise, so you are quite incapable of telling genuine erudition from elegant invention.
ELOQUENCE [Challenging: Failure] – And you won’t be able to come up with a clever quotation in return, either.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – And for two hundred orens, you can ask me questions all night long. But believe me, before long you’ll forget all about them. We’ll have other things to occupy us… There are no questions in the language of love, my sweet — only answers. And when it comes to seeking those answers, I am tireless.
VICE [Challenging: Failure] – Two hundred orens?! Damn, you’ve never even had that kind of money in your life…
WHISPER [Easy: Success] – On the other hand, that price does include genuine research work!
VICE – Exactly. Here’s what you do: give her that grin of yours. Strike her straight through the heart — then the discount is as good as yours. And say something like, “I’d like to have fuck…”
DOMINANCE [Medium: Success] – No need to show off. Just ask your question calmly.
YOU – Forgive me, madam, but I noticed that your balcony overlooks the back courtyard where, as you probably know, a murder was committed. I’m investigating the case. Did you happen to notice anything suspicious that night?
NARRATOR – The courtesan puts on an expertly wounded expression and steps away from the railing.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – Pff… So you’re more interested in some nasty corpse than in an unforgettable night of love with me? You noticed this shabby balcony, but not my magnificence?!
WHISPER [Challenging: Success] – You shouldn’t have rushed it. A couple of compliments first, play along a little, and only then get down to business. Instead, you plowed straight in like a wounded boar through the brush.
ARTISTRY [Easy: Success] – This can still be salvaged. Beg her forgiveness at once.
YOU – No, no, of course not! Naturally, you were the very first thing I noticed! How could I not? Such otherworldly beauty practically illuminates this gloomy square. I humbly beg your forgiveness for my foolishness.
NARRATOR – She twirls a dark lock of hair around one finger and smirks.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – Much better… I can see you know how to use that tongue of yours.
ELOQUENCE [Easy: Failure] – Uh… well, yes. You do seem to have a way with words.
VICE [Trivial: Success] – She wasn’t talking only about your eloquence.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – But, handsome, I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you. That night I was extremely busy… with a certain gentleman. And even if I had stepped out onto the balcony for some fresh air, I doubt I would have seen much. The vacant lot isn’t lit, after all, and if I remember correctly, there was no moon that night…
NARRATOR – She gives a carefree shrug.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – Though I can’t say for certain. I didn’t get out of bed until dawn.
REFLEX [Medium: Success] – A moonless night? Interesting. Remember that…
NARRATOR – The woman slowly licks her lips and gives you a wink. The chain holding your medallion begins to choke you mercilessly once again.
HORRIFIC MEDALLION – What the hell are you waiting for, kumpel?! Can’t you see she WANTS you? Get up there right now and show her what you’re capable of. She’ll PAY YOU for a night like that, I’ll bet my teeth on it!
DOMINANCE – No. You need to stay in the square and wait for Vernon.
WHISPER [Easy: Success] – Still, don’t let her go just yet. Ask about the client she was with.
YOU – And this gentleman… do you know his name?
NARRATOR – The woman shakes her head and arches her back gracefully.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – My sweet, men don’t pay me so I can shout their names from the balcony afterward. Like any self-respecting lady, I have my principles. So unless you’ve changed your mind about keeping me company…
NARRATOR – Her piercing gaze feels almost hot enough to burn.
WOMAN ON THE BALCONY – …then I suppose I’ll go take a bath in splendid solitude. What a pity there won’t be anyone beside me to massage my tired shoulders, rub orange oil into my skin…
NARRATOR – She blows you a kiss, turns away, and disappears into the room.
HORRIFIC MEDALLION – You are a complete fucking idiot!!!
YOU – But we really do need to—
HORRIFIC MEDALLION – Go fuck yourself! That’s it, I’m not talking to you anymore. Take me off and sell me to that junk dealer right now! I’d rather lie around in some dusty, stinking basement… Hell, melt me down and forge me into a bunch of bent horseshoe nails for all I care. Anything would be better than watching you keep fucking everything up!
NARRATOR – A few steps away, you suddenly notice a dwarf in a brown jacket and rough-spun trousers. A formidable-looking axe is tucked into his belt, and a large white parrot is perched on his shoulder. Apparently, the woman caught this gentleman’s attention as well.
DWARF WITH A PARROT – Daaamn, now that’s a woman! Why’d you turn her down? She usually charges two hundred and fifty orens a night, sometimes even more. For some reason, she decided to give you a discount…
VICE [Trivial: Success] – See! You didn’t even have to use the grin!
YOU – To be honest, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now…
NARRATOR – A wild screech from the parrot cuts you off.
WHITE PARROT – Kur-r-r-wa!!!
NARRATOR – A couple of passing craftsmen turn around and burst out laughing. The dwarf winces apologetically and gives the bird a light poke in the chest with one finger.
DWARF WITH A PARROT – Enough, Field Marshal Windbag, no need for that kind of language… I’ve been trying forever, but the damned bird just won’t stop swearing. Nothing but trouble, this one…
WHITE PARROT – Trouble! Kur-r-r-wa!
DWARF WITH A PARROT – Understands every damn word, the little bastard… Just never learns anything from it.
NARRATOR – He spreads his hands. The bird calmly goes on preening its feathers.
DWARF WITH A PARROT – Well then, I suppose I’ll be off. Take care!
NARRATOR – You watch the dwarf walk away.
UMBRA [Challenging: Failure] – What a strange conversation… Why did he even speak to you? Just to chat? Or did you fail to notice something important again?
YOU – No idea…